Hey folks,
This is my new blog site w.e.f 13 Feb 07.
IS THIS A SIGN THAT I SHOULD START SOMETHING NEW?
Life is like a box of chocolates, some are sweet, some are bitter and you never know what you will find inside.
I have fullfilled a task I should do, which is to be true to myself. I have expressed my interest to a guy. Something, which I know instinctively, I have to overcome, in order to pass all the barriers in life. If unable to, it will mean repeated episodes, which is quite sad.
I have had experienced alot of unrequired love. Maybe some died off before I even realised it. But as i "failed" more, i find myself moving closer to the true love. It may not be wat you think is very very "jin tian dong di" but just makes u feel very "xing fu" when you encounter someone u really like. So how many men have i men gave me the "xing fu de gan xue"? TWO.
I met francis after james. It was not love at first sight. Just a curious me deep down in my heart wanting to know someone who wants to know me. Just so simple. My first impression of him, looks honest, not handsome, quite conversational and got cute dimples. One month shortly after we went out several times, I started to develop a strange feeling of being very looking forward to go out wif him. He sent me back the first few dates and walk me back to wait for bus subsquently. Something happened in Nov which later made him very disappointed and slightly changed his attitude towards me. I was not able to step out as I was not ready yet. As a result, I was down for like a week. When I ask to see him again, he was very cold and blatant towards me. I know i deserves it.
We started to go out again. This time, I was full of doubts, not so happy and abit disappointed with myself. Things are not the same anymore. Still, he is still quite nice to me but things are just not the same anymore.
I asked him out on my birthday, together with my two best friends. He hardly speaks to me naturally. I was quite down again. A conversation between us in the MRT made me labelled him as a "constant gardener" - someone who is very patient and prefers a quiet and slower pace of life.
One significant date we had was a movie outing to a surprise screening at GV. As usual, i ran to meet him coz i was late again. One strange phenomen.. My heart beats very fast everytime I meet him. WHY? Thats becoz i never failed to run due to time constraints, timing very tight. 7pm showtime when I can only knock off at 6.30pm. Thats a feat for me.
After the show, we went back. I mustered up my courage to ask him why he wanna know me in the first place. In the end, I received a very disappointing ans from him: That is becoz you stayed in Tampines. I felt like very very "huh? issit?" and walked very fast coz I don’t want to talk anymore.
When I reached home, i called and complained to huiping. She laughed all the way… i was quite mad at her too. Very funny meh? ONly then did he send me an sms to clarify that he is just joking with me. I was then pacified after reading it.
The second significant outing I had with him is a supper outing with him and his normal majong gang. During the entire supper time, his friend is the "male lead", leading all the conversations. In between, the only thing he spoke to me is to help him tear the fish. We never spoke a word with each other. He was just like "unwilling to speak to me". I actually wanted to ask about his exams but did not, as I was also quite unhappy we did not go out one to one. I felt very neglected then. His joker friend made me abit unhappy that night too <unfortunately, i was too upset to take jokes>.
There goes my chance to ask how he feels about me when he send his good friend home last. I cannot fathom how could one take the long way back home.
The final very significant date we had was a karaoke outing with his majong gang <again>. It was a very very enjoyable ktv session for me as all his friends are very entertaining and good singers. There is this young girl i know from the ktv session, which is his friend. Initially i was abit jealous and try not to look at them but after chatting with the girl, i found them v normal. If there is a next time ktv outing, I would bring a very handsome friend to spite him. haha. He also din speak to me much during the ktv session.
After the ktv session, we went for noodle house for dinner. He thought I ordered two bowls of noodles and never suspect anything. I know I eat alot but won’t behave so exagerated in a group settings. I’m quite full after eating the seem-minimal noodles. Long story cut short - we went back to tampines to visit a hairdresser. There is also a nice gf who was with us. In the salon, there is this scene where the hairdressor washed his hair. When I saw it, I was like: omg! look like super messy and not the type of guy I would go for in the past. Suddenly, I got this question asking myself, why do i still like him despite him not handsome? Its a question i do not have answer to. Am I over the "looks" department? Maybe.
At the end of the day, I went home feeling very upset coz he din tell me on the spot he likes me when I asked if "he likes me". He sent me an sms, which I read partial before ignoring and going to sleep: "You are a nice girl… but I don’t wish to commit… there is a reason why, I will tell you later." This is what you call, selection perception. Felt very broken-heart and later slept before waking up at 3am. I felt a sense of relief. Its like a load off my mind. When I read the sms the second time, i found out that he wrote other things too.
I will not be seeing him till he asks me out again or wants to talk to me.
Went out with a gf on the next day and unfortunately, she was summoned, which was indirectly caused by me too. I was accountable for it 
Before I started this blog, I failed to enter my old blogspot site, which was logged out as I don’t have a gmail account. I refused to set up a gmail account to continue blogging. Hence, I started this blog again. Signifies something new? Perhaps it is. I hope to see light soon. Being able to be brave to one’s feelings is a feat for me. I’m such a shy girl at heart, never in my dreams will i ever want to tell a guy first i like him. But i know I have to do it, otherwise, i won’t be able to move on with my life.
I’m keen to find out the reason behind him not able to commit. So far, the only reason that instinctively comes to me is that he doesn’t likes me enough to commit. But actually, in the first place, I wasn’t even expecting a commitment. Just want to confirm his feelings for me. That’s all.
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