The Joss Sticks
I woke up in the morning, about to be out of house and then I saw the joss sticks at the altar unburnt. So I took the lighter, and lit the joss sticks. Alas.. I did it with the doors open, big wind blowing.. hence, not able to light it eventually. Later, I closed the door and managed to light up the joss sticks. However, I broke the lighter, as I hold it for too long.
I look at the "pu sa" statue and it seems to enlighten me (once again). One should not force things to happen. Just like i tried to light the joss sticks against the strong winds, no matter how hard I tried, it just wouldn’t light up. Same principles applies to my relationship wif jiecong, no matter how hard i force myself to change myself for him, or preventing things from happening, it still won’t help. The strength of it is not there to withstand the long lasting pressures.
A relationship that doesn’t withstand the test of time is not good at all.
I told her that I will try to forgive myself.
I won’t be able to guarantee I won’t be angry with him when I sees him again. But one thing for sure, I know. If I do it again, I will then be running away from things.
I went to carefour after company event. Suddenly i felt abit lonely and down, coz I was reminded walking down the streets together. Now that he is no longer wif me. There is a sense of down-ness. But I consoled myself by saying, at least there isn’t anyone controlling me, scolding me and making me feel unhappy. I’m free at least, its good to be alone after all.
..18072008..
