Don’t Say Whocares When You Really Cares

Despite the sad news for the past few weeks.  Let me highlight some happy ones?! 

22 Aug is my last day at amex, which I really have no idea it will come so soon.. Might as well la.  What am i going to do while i am still zuobo-ing?  I will make a list.

- Do facial (trial one)
- Go trim my hair again
- Take photo for my new staff pass
- Shop for more clothes
- Go for one more tarot reading
- Another day for me to sleep alot at home

..21072008..

I had a dream last night.  In the dream, I was wif jiecong.  Den I was very curious how come I am still with him.  Then i told him that in reality, we are not together already.  Then he sort tink, say nevermind, or did not comment. 

The onset of this dream says that I have realised and accepted the fact we are have officially broken up.  There is however, one setback.  I seems to be very soft-hearted, probably deep down in my heart, I would still want to be with him.  That is probably hence, in my dreams only.  Why am I not angry to see him again, even in my dreams?  Wondering*

A few days ago, I told myself I don’t want to get married at all.  Just yesterday, I thought of marrying someone decent the next day.  What is happening to my thinking?  Isn’t reading the book supposed to make me more peaceful?  My heart is so fickle minded - everchanging.  One thing that has improved.  Today is Monday and i was at the bus stop again.  I did not cry at all!

Just that next time I would not be so trusting in men again.  All men are "Fan Ren".  Actually I din know this is a considered a silent break, probably its a half silent, coz there was no fullstop to it.  I have to go through one month of self talk to come to terms with this reality.

Still, I am not able talk about it when my friends asked me about it.  I just told them I am too sad too talk about it.  Whenever friends try to show concern for me, I will tend to push them away.  But not talking about it, I will be better, as I will then not be reminded of the sad past.

At least, I am not married with kids, and divorced again.  Treat it as a bad dream, a debt paid, and to lessen my sins in my next life.

..21072008..