My Dream Part 1
I had a dream last night. In the dream, I was wif jiecong. Den I was very curious how come I am still with him. Then i told him that in reality, we are not together already. Then he sort tink, say nevermind, or did not comment.
The onset of this dream says that I have realised and accepted the fact we are have officially broken up. There is however, one setback. I seems to be very soft-hearted, probably deep down in my heart, I would still want to be with him. That is probably hence, in my dreams only. Why am I not angry to see him again, even in my dreams? Wondering*
A few days ago, I told myself I don’t want to get married at all. Just yesterday, I thought of marrying someone decent the next day. What is happening to my thinking? Isn’t reading the book supposed to make me more peaceful? My heart is so fickle minded - everchanging. One thing that has improved. Today is Monday and i was at the bus stop again. I did not cry at all!
Just that next time I would not be so trusting in men again. All men are "Fan Ren". Actually I din know this is a considered a silent break, probably its a half silent, coz there was no fullstop to it. I have to go through one month of self talk to come to terms with this reality.
Still, I am not able talk about it when my friends asked me about it. I just told them I am too sad too talk about it. Whenever friends try to show concern for me, I will tend to push them away. But not talking about it, I will be better, as I will then not be reminded of the sad past.
At least, I am not married with kids, and divorced again. Treat it as a bad dream, a debt paid, and to lessen my sins in my next life.
..21072008..
