Over the Past One year
I went through my previous entries, dated all the way in feb 07. Was quite surprised to know that I actually had a heartbreak sometime more than a year ago and that time, supposedly has recovered and moved on. This year, some time later after one year, I suffered another heartbreak, which was more serious, as the efforts were seem to be permanent. The only difference is that, I could not talk to people about it, while the previous one, I could and I got over it very fast. My anniversary with him will be on 20.08.2008. Time just flies. He confirmed won’t be with me already to celebrate. It is really so much like a dream. Seems like yesterday that we met. When you are in "deep shit", time just flies like a blink of eye.When I read the blog entries few mins ago, history of images, happenings seem to flash back in my mind. It seems like yesterday when I attended their gatherings. Seems like reallyyesterday, which is so distant. I remember writing in my blog, I don’t believe in platronic friendship, I won’t be friend with my ex-bf, which is true. I see that this two cases are really linked. They are meant to make me grow up much faster. All within the span of two years. So, first thing I should be doing is to stay away from some stuffs. When I do see them again, I would want to feel good and wish them well. It is not difficult thing to do? When I’m in it, i seem to be very immersed. When I am out of it, I can see clearly. I would want to stand out of my position and see clearly things that really happened. So, even it if means being out of scene for a some time. I want to be sick, on mc, but I am not at all. I have grown immune to sickness. Feel good to know that my bp is low, at 70. Coz this is a reflection of myself being calmer and discerning. I felt like world would practically stop if I can hold my breath. Live at the moment, not easy to practise. Do not think of the beautiful memories and bad memories. When you have unknowingly created them, some are good to keep, some are best forgotten. Some before we start creating these memories, there is a button for us to press, stop or continue. So, I would chose to be forgetful about what has alraedy happened and continue to live bravely. When things are not meant to be, one should not press pause, but stop it at that instant. Old phrase you may have heard: It take a minute to know someone, takes a day to fall in love, a few years to understand someone, and a lifetime to forget someone. I would just want to pause at the very first day. I would not want to fall in love again until i am no longer so tired. I want to be a sleeping princess, though I cannot sleep for a hundred years. Recently over the wkend, I seem to be suffering from a disease, which makes me so sleepy and dun wan to wake up. I struggled to wake up in my dream but was so weak. Maybe I don’t want to face reality. Sometimes, I feel I would like to just vanish into thin air. I must learn to like my job, like my life and myself. Starting from this very minute. However, my will is not strong. I know it. The more I want to hide, the more I cannot hide. Perhaps, if possible, I may just take a few days off from work end Dec.. Who says new joiners cannot take leave?
..17082008..
